Stupid Things People Do

Well it looks like this bitch living here is lying again, not only that but that my own father is lying to me as well about her. She told me three days ago that she couldn't use the computers at the library because she has a fine now all of a sudden she was able to use them after my father goes down to the library. Makes one think what he went there for and why all of a sudden he's going to the library. We are behind on bills and don't have enough food to last till the end of the month and the thought that he is spending money on her just pisses me off. He didn't fix the van because he was stupid with some money he got, but he payed up the bills so he says. Now he's behind again when I haven't helped for one month..well this will be the second month I can't help. I don't get what his problem is. He's upset because I am making this girl leave the house and he don't see that it's because of their lying about money to me.

Funny Evening

Well this is proving to be one hell of an evening. That girl who is staying here has her boyfriend here looking for some keys or something. She's trying to contact her family to have a place to stay as well as a job. She knows that her days are numbered and that she will end up in a shelter if she don't follow the rules.

A Stranger In My House

Well it looks as if my dad is upset at me that I am not giving up my photo studio. He wants that girl to have the room so that she can stay here forever. I can't deal with that and my dad turning on me like this is not what I need. It's like he's a stranger to me and wants to replace me with a dump blond who can't even see when her boyfriend don't want her anymore. She couldn't see that he didn't want her, he only wanted a living sex machine in his bed. He threw her out and then wanted to move her in with his ex-girlfriend who he is still in love with. He wanted her to move in with that girl so he could have all his women in the same house and still be able to have his place alone. She was actually thinking about moving in with her. She is so pathetic and can't be trusted to do anything right. I am so freaking mad at her and my dad. They don't even see the reason she was kicked out. It was because I was told that she and my dad were talking about kicking me out of my house and letting her have my room and bed along with anything else that I left behind. She was claiming my mothers things, who she never met as my mother passed away two years ago.

All's Not Fair In Love And War

Well it looks like my unwanted guest might be in for a long ride really soon. She's got no place to go unless her boyfriend marries her or her family takes her in. I can't keep her here at my house, she's a person who needs lots of mental help and I have my own problems. I talked to her today and well she's got no plan at all for her future. Her boyfriend made sure that all her things are out of his place and he's telling her that she can't live with him because they aren't married. Sounds like a cop-out to me. She tried to call him today and he answered then heard her on the phone then hung up on her. I keep telling myself that I am not a bitch and that I am helping her as much as I can, I can't do it all for her. I need to work on feeling guilty when I have no reason to.

Heartless Bitch

Well it looks like I am stuck alone again today, though I am in a house with two other people. I wish that things were different and that this extra person wasn't in my house. Proving to myself that I am not a heartless bitch is proving to be hard. Maybe it's better to be a bitch than to have a heart. I just hope this day goes by fast.

Taking The Turn

Things in life always take a turn when you don't want them to. I was left alone today with a parent who wants to kick me out because I care for him and the girl who does nothing but whine about having to clean. Of all the days today is the day my husband decides to go spend the day helping his friend finish things in this new house. I don't think he should have stayed home but why today of all days did he have to get that call. I feel like I am in a house of people who hate me. I don't like this feeling at all. I try to do the nice things but even that can be taken wrong, as a sign of weakness and giving up.

An I Like My Mother?

Well things in my life have become more complicated! I just let someone that I kicked out of my house move back in for a week or two. I am doing it only because I don't want to be said that I am just like my mother. When she was here I was on her all the time to clean the bathroom and her room, though she didn't clean at all. My family told me that I am being just like my mother who would yell and scream at me when things weren't cleaned right. I bent backwards for her and I was told that I was the one who was in the wrong. I see this as my chance to prove to myself that I am not just like my mother.

Living a lie

Every single day of my life I trick myself into thinking that I am normal. I make myself believe that I am not sick and that I am happy. I used to think that I would eventually be happy an no longer have to lie to myself. Turns out that I only made matters worse by making others think that I am the strong one when I am truly weak.

Threw out my life my mother told me that when I was sick that it was all in my head. To just suck it up an push threw! I was only in kindergarden when I first heard this. That was the day I remember calling Mrs. Bloom mommy.

Now that I'm older an think back I wish I could have stood up for myself. I would have told someone about being told that I was crazy. I would have the strength today to move forward and standup for myself.